♥ her expression when she is eating. & another expression when i showed her the photo i took of her. HEH.

Its dark inside. Really dark. Especially when I dont see you anymore these days.

Especially when I see Mum being so tired recently, it makes me feel... ...

I really hope that my life would be released someday. Of the issues on hand with my family. Meanwhile, lets take up this challenge as a family of 4, leaving the irresponsible one out of the picture. I want to be able to live within my own life and my own hands. Not living to pay off whatever is in my hand.

Sometimes i really wondered. What kinda attitude and feelings did you face when you were telling mummy you loved her back then. How could you change so much that no one here recognizes you anymore. Where did you go and What did you do all these while. Didn't your guilt chase after you every night before you sleep? Telling you that you are damm fucking irresponsible leaving your children behind for your wife to bring them up alone? I wonder, i really wonder how were you brought up by your very own parents and i really thank god you didn't bring me up like that. I will NEVER live to become this irresponsible and will definitely not leave my love one out there alone to survive..

Seriously, 30 years back then. What was is that is in your heart? What was it when you hugged and kissed my mum. I've been wondering. & You know what? Thanks to you, I've always have this phobia in me. Believing that everything will happen again. Like a cycle. I'm scared now. But you know what too? I'm gonna go thru this and make sure whatever pain you brought to mum, I'm gonna double her happiness in exchange for those pains. ( i would like to bring you the pain, but I won't. Cus i'm not like you. Nthg like you at all.)

On the other hand, many might wonder why the random post?

I went to take my IT fair pay today with Joelyn in the noon. got the money. But you know, I'm now left with only this bit to last me thru my month. I totally felt what mum has been going thru all these while. When you only have $100 left and you need it to last you for your transport expenses, food expenses, telephone bills, SP bills, Insurance. thats what I'm facing now. & guess what, Mum's worst. I wont say how much but it definately is worst than my scenario. Imagine you only have that sum of money, but there are many things you Need to do, (not want to). What should you do? Yes yes, I'm supposed to take the blame for spending unnecessary money , but in the first place, wouldn't it be much easier if someone is helping you? I hope my Mum's glad all of us is working now to help her as much :)

Believe me. I'm gonna walk out of all these someday.. & that is without you in the picture. So please, for the last tinge of respect I'm left with for you, don't destroy it with your own hands. Leave us alone and don't bring us pain again. Memories are good enough for us now.

♥ her expression when she is eating. & another expression when i showed her the photo i took of her. HEH.

Its dark inside. Really dark. Especially when I dont see you anymore these days.

Especially when I see Mum being so tired recently, it makes me feel... ...

I really hope that my life would be released someday. Of the issues on hand with my family. Meanwhile, lets take up this challenge as a family of 4, leaving the irresponsible one out of the picture. I want to be able to live within my own life and my own hands. Not living to pay off whatever is in my hand.

Sometimes i really wondered. What kinda attitude and feelings did you face when you were telling mummy you loved her back then. How could you change so much that no one here recognizes you anymore. Where did you go and What did you do all these while. Didn't your guilt chase after you every night before you sleep? Telling you that you are damm fucking irresponsible leaving your children behind for your wife to bring them up alone? I wonder, i really wonder how were you brought up by your very own parents and i really thank god you didn't bring me up like that. I will NEVER live to become this irresponsible and will definitely not leave my love one out there alone to survive..

Seriously, 30 years back then. What was is that is in your heart? What was it when you hugged and kissed my mum. I've been wondering. & You know what? Thanks to you, I've always have this phobia in me. Believing that everything will happen again. Like a cycle. I'm scared now. But you know what too? I'm gonna go thru this and make sure whatever pain you brought to mum, I'm gonna double her happiness in exchange for those pains. ( i would like to bring you the pain, but I won't. Cus i'm not like you. Nthg like you at all.)

On the other hand, many might wonder why the random post?

I went to take my IT fair pay today with Joelyn in the noon. got the money. But you know, I'm now left with only this bit to last me thru my month. I totally felt what mum has been going thru all these while. When you only have $100 left and you need it to last you for your transport expenses, food expenses, telephone bills, SP bills, Insurance. thats what I'm facing now. & guess what, Mum's worst. I wont say how much but it definately is worst than my scenario. Imagine you only have that sum of money, but there are many things you Need to do, (not want to). What should you do? Yes yes, I'm supposed to take the blame for spending unnecessary money , but in the first place, wouldn't it be much easier if someone is helping you? I hope my Mum's glad all of us is working now to help her as much :)

Believe me. I'm gonna walk out of all these someday.. & that is without you in the picture. So please, for the last tinge of respect I'm left with for you, don't destroy it with your own hands. Leave us alone and don't bring us pain again. Memories are good enough for us now.