Aie!

jo's went out to buy lunch and i came bac to the ofx coz its goin to rain!
hehee.

anyways.
pretty busy week for me..
really busy.

spending minimum time with the one i loves.
maximum time on workin hard, earning money.
LOLS


i find my blog v superficial these days
its v hard to find tings about me now.
and i suddenly find blogging more and more useless to me.

it was meant to be an online diary.
so i can look thru my posts when i grow older and perhaps, will remind me stupid things i do.

hmm..
i guess..
its just different now.

things arent supposed to be the same anymore.

and remember?
i told you i hate changes.

Labels: try feeling what i m feeling right now.

Its wierd how i cant express myself freely anymore.

Learning how to keep everything within myself means developing a new character.
And soon..
I will be turning to someone whom you all dun recognise.
( I hope not )

Btw.
Exams results out..
I guess its ok ba..
F&B: B+
DPAD: B+
MICE: B
LSO: B
Calculus: C
. . .
. . .
. . .

ok la..
maybe after 3 secs consideration.
im disappointed with it.
was expecting a A for DPAD and F&B.
at least a B+ for LSO.

(no hopes for calculus)

but....
its over..
im nt goin to broad over it (in case my dear worries again) hehe. :)

anyway..
i've found a new way to express myself of my tots and feelings.

im writing a new story.
the second one after stopping for so long.

but its onli for me... and for me to read.
and maybe for ppl who dunno me =)

tata~

attachment is goin smoothly for me i guess.
but kinda hate offx life.
miss the hot and sunny weather outside.
hmm.
im kinda worrying about stuffs about attachment now... ...
or am i being too sensitive??
:S
o wells.

was guilty for nt goin out with dab and wk on sat.
due to certain reasons, i chose to stay at home.
hope they understand..

ytd was talkin to hui about our lives.
about losing and gaining.
and its true though,
when u lose sumting, u will gain.
when u gain sumtin, u are bound to lose sumting.
and for this yer..

i've gain and lost quite a number of stuffs.
and sum of which i prefer to remain silent.
i m sensitive to the tings happenin arund me..
therefore, i observe a lot and tink alot.

so u guys may think i do not know sum stuffs.
but infact.. i know.
its just i do nt wish to say it, and prefer keeping it inside my heart.
coz sumtimes the > u say... the > the misunderstanding caused.
and when that happens,
normali it wil lead to tiredness and tears of the ppl involved.

i've learnt my lesson this time, in this prospect.
that i should shut up.
and perhaps.
learn to keep tings in.
not showing it out anymore.

like what i say in my previous post..
i gotta learn to be strong.
coz... I've grown up alrdy.

its hard to accept the fact that i've grown up when inside me, i wanna be someone small.
be under the tender loving care of ppl around me..

sihui,
its true..
in life.
ppl will onlli regret what they've lost.
coz this is human nature..

some ppl take tings for granted.
some prefer to ignore.

neh. lets stop this... the more i rant, the more i wun stoop.. LOL!

takin responsibility is good.
but not too much.

being strong is good.
but dun act.

Seriously, the environment which i greew up in made me who i am now..
andd.
part of me like the way i am not, part of me dont.

in the past,
i dun do self sacrifice.
i made ppl sacrifice.

now.
i have to sacrifice.
coz im being forced to.

Ytd.
a huge fight in the house.
tears dripped from everyone's eyes.
i held back mine.
everyone was talking loudly to each other.
HE used vulgarities.
HE wanted to use violence on a 15 yer old kid.
HE was shaking in anger.

SHE was crying badly
SHE was letting out all the things she held back for 10 yers
SHE wanted to shield the 15 yer old kid.

the 13 yer old kid saw.
cried.
insecurity.fear in her eyes.

and i was beside the 13 yer old kid.

and what i was doin?
nothing.

after quarrel ended.
i hugged my sis as she cried.
making sure she have my shoulders and she is safe with me.

i tried to make everything go back to normal.
asking them to watch tv, and bath and all.

what was i feeling them?
angry.disapointed.sad.upset.lost.fear.insecurity.

i wanted to cry as much as them.
i wanted to hug summone as much as them.
but i held back for 30 mins.
after which, i know i cant tke it.
i went down to my familiar friend.
my playground.

yeap.
i was writing a letter to HIM.
and as i wrote.
my feelings showed.
i keep telling myself everything would be fine.
but honestly. it wun be. coz someone is avoiding all the probs.

dear called to ensure im fine.
yeap i m.
i really am fine.
sry to make u worry.
sry so fierce to u when u called.
he wanted to come over to whr i am.
i requested him nt to.

but seriously.
i have thousand and one words to tell HIM.
but i didnt.
i wanted to ask him if he ever rmbed those times when he brought me out.
cooked us dinner, making sure we got tings to eat.
fetching us to and fro places w/o complaining.
what caused the drastic change in him?

for the past few yers.
we nv had a proper convo.
not even a sentence of concern frm him.
it seems those fishes and birds are his main priority in this house.
after takin money frm us,
always fail to return.
so he expect us to support him when we are onli like 13?15?19?

o ok.
so BY RIGHT im supposed to la.
and suen bian support his birds and fishes?

i have no idea why tings turn this way.
i feel for my mum.
i know hw she felt when she cried.
even in bed i know she is crying.
she cant cry too much coz she know she wil scare us.
she even comfort us saying its nthg la.
she jus fke fake one.
(cummon la. as if i believe....)

now u see.
the reason to why am i stronger then some others.
why is my character like tht.
its built in me.
i have to.
coz i belive.
i became one of the main pillars for this family.

ah!
internship has begin for like perhaps 2 days?

hmm..
not bad la.
the environment. the people.

me and joanna got a macbk to work with!
hahah.
it took me a while to figure out hw to work it al out.

work was ok.
as usual.
find it tiring and slpy..
but lucky got that crazy jk(joanna koh)

^^
aie.
hope everything turns out for the best :)

and i miss u dear. =(
although i jus saw u like half an hr ago.
haa.
i miss our mt faber trip :(

Aie!

jo's went out to buy lunch and i came bac to the ofx coz its goin to rain!
hehee.

anyways.
pretty busy week for me..
really busy.

spending minimum time with the one i loves.
maximum time on workin hard, earning money.
LOLS


i find my blog v superficial these days
its v hard to find tings about me now.
and i suddenly find blogging more and more useless to me.

it was meant to be an online diary.
so i can look thru my posts when i grow older and perhaps, will remind me stupid things i do.

hmm..
i guess..
its just different now.

things arent supposed to be the same anymore.

and remember?
i told you i hate changes.

Labels: try feeling what i m feeling right now.

Its wierd how i cant express myself freely anymore.

Learning how to keep everything within myself means developing a new character.
And soon..
I will be turning to someone whom you all dun recognise.
( I hope not )

Btw.
Exams results out..
I guess its ok ba..
F&B: B+
DPAD: B+
MICE: B
LSO: B
Calculus: C
. . .
. . .
. . .

ok la..
maybe after 3 secs consideration.
im disappointed with it.
was expecting a A for DPAD and F&B.
at least a B+ for LSO.

(no hopes for calculus)

but....
its over..
im nt goin to broad over it (in case my dear worries again) hehe. :)

anyway..
i've found a new way to express myself of my tots and feelings.

im writing a new story.
the second one after stopping for so long.

but its onli for me... and for me to read.
and maybe for ppl who dunno me =)

tata~

attachment is goin smoothly for me i guess.
but kinda hate offx life.
miss the hot and sunny weather outside.
hmm.
im kinda worrying about stuffs about attachment now... ...
or am i being too sensitive??
:S
o wells.

was guilty for nt goin out with dab and wk on sat.
due to certain reasons, i chose to stay at home.
hope they understand..

ytd was talkin to hui about our lives.
about losing and gaining.
and its true though,
when u lose sumting, u will gain.
when u gain sumtin, u are bound to lose sumting.
and for this yer..

i've gain and lost quite a number of stuffs.
and sum of which i prefer to remain silent.
i m sensitive to the tings happenin arund me..
therefore, i observe a lot and tink alot.

so u guys may think i do not know sum stuffs.
but infact.. i know.
its just i do nt wish to say it, and prefer keeping it inside my heart.
coz sumtimes the > u say... the > the misunderstanding caused.
and when that happens,
normali it wil lead to tiredness and tears of the ppl involved.

i've learnt my lesson this time, in this prospect.
that i should shut up.
and perhaps.
learn to keep tings in.
not showing it out anymore.

like what i say in my previous post..
i gotta learn to be strong.
coz... I've grown up alrdy.

its hard to accept the fact that i've grown up when inside me, i wanna be someone small.
be under the tender loving care of ppl around me..

sihui,
its true..
in life.
ppl will onlli regret what they've lost.
coz this is human nature..

some ppl take tings for granted.
some prefer to ignore.

neh. lets stop this... the more i rant, the more i wun stoop.. LOL!

takin responsibility is good.
but not too much.

being strong is good.
but dun act.

Seriously, the environment which i greew up in made me who i am now..
andd.
part of me like the way i am not, part of me dont.

in the past,
i dun do self sacrifice.
i made ppl sacrifice.

now.
i have to sacrifice.
coz im being forced to.

Ytd.
a huge fight in the house.
tears dripped from everyone's eyes.
i held back mine.
everyone was talking loudly to each other.
HE used vulgarities.
HE wanted to use violence on a 15 yer old kid.
HE was shaking in anger.

SHE was crying badly
SHE was letting out all the things she held back for 10 yers
SHE wanted to shield the 15 yer old kid.

the 13 yer old kid saw.
cried.
insecurity.fear in her eyes.

and i was beside the 13 yer old kid.

and what i was doin?
nothing.

after quarrel ended.
i hugged my sis as she cried.
making sure she have my shoulders and she is safe with me.

i tried to make everything go back to normal.
asking them to watch tv, and bath and all.

what was i feeling them?
angry.disapointed.sad.upset.lost.fear.insecurity.

i wanted to cry as much as them.
i wanted to hug summone as much as them.
but i held back for 30 mins.
after which, i know i cant tke it.
i went down to my familiar friend.
my playground.

yeap.
i was writing a letter to HIM.
and as i wrote.
my feelings showed.
i keep telling myself everything would be fine.
but honestly. it wun be. coz someone is avoiding all the probs.

dear called to ensure im fine.
yeap i m.
i really am fine.
sry to make u worry.
sry so fierce to u when u called.
he wanted to come over to whr i am.
i requested him nt to.

but seriously.
i have thousand and one words to tell HIM.
but i didnt.
i wanted to ask him if he ever rmbed those times when he brought me out.
cooked us dinner, making sure we got tings to eat.
fetching us to and fro places w/o complaining.
what caused the drastic change in him?

for the past few yers.
we nv had a proper convo.
not even a sentence of concern frm him.
it seems those fishes and birds are his main priority in this house.
after takin money frm us,
always fail to return.
so he expect us to support him when we are onli like 13?15?19?

o ok.
so BY RIGHT im supposed to la.
and suen bian support his birds and fishes?

i have no idea why tings turn this way.
i feel for my mum.
i know hw she felt when she cried.
even in bed i know she is crying.
she cant cry too much coz she know she wil scare us.
she even comfort us saying its nthg la.
she jus fke fake one.
(cummon la. as if i believe....)

now u see.
the reason to why am i stronger then some others.
why is my character like tht.
its built in me.
i have to.
coz i belive.
i became one of the main pillars for this family.

ah!
internship has begin for like perhaps 2 days?

hmm..
not bad la.
the environment. the people.

me and joanna got a macbk to work with!
hahah.
it took me a while to figure out hw to work it al out.

work was ok.
as usual.
find it tiring and slpy..
but lucky got that crazy jk(joanna koh)

^^
aie.
hope everything turns out for the best :)

and i miss u dear. =(
although i jus saw u like half an hr ago.
haa.
i miss our mt faber trip :(