whats around me?.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
deep within me. i stil have not let go.
you said things that caught me thinking for quite long. and i couldn't figure out what were u trying to say. i dun wan to ask, dun wan you to know that i wanted to know so much. i needed to stop all of these. but i simply cant.
"do i still love you?" is the sentence i always ask myself.. the answer never changed.. i may've once waiver. but i know.. deep inside. the answer is always there. but whats the use? reality is just different. lets just face it. i can't be in any stable relationship. and we all know that.
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my self esteem was originally low. after we ended off telling ourselves that we can be friends, we couldn't stop feeling so awkward. when i am around you i always felt left out. i always felt the extra one. the one out of the crowd. not knowing what to say and what can i say in order to catch that attention. i prefer to then keep quiet to prevent embarrassed. then i felt restricted. this is the reason why i cannot be around you. you made me feel as small as i can. only until i can stand straight up and smack my answers around your face. i hate it. i wonder how long would this all last. how long would i then be sick of all these and tell myself i have to stop it. i think i need to put pride and ego aside. be as silly as i can be. :(
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i seriously have no idea of how to treasure stuffs around me..
i need to learn..
maybe a walk thru hell would make me realise how little things are as impt.
how i have to weigh my happiness and sadness equally to enjoy life.
wonder whats the point of being emo so much and yet no one cares.
need to know why. have to know why.
"Of the many contradictions that exist in the world, the contrast between love and hate is perhaps the starkest. It is one that helps us value true love while understanding the ramifications of hatred."
"A life without love is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and richness to life that nothing else can bring."