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Wednesday, February 10, 2010
i know i deserves a scolding more than anyone else now.
i know i am screwing everything up ever since last fri.
i know there are a lot of things i would wish to do wouldnt make sense to any of u.
alot of the things i should know.. I KNOW.
but why am i nt acting out what i know?
i've lost my directions.
i really have.
and i m confused to where i should go and what should i do.
its good to have someone to fall back on when smth like this happens.
but im glad to say nope, i dun have.
people fall back on me.
when i fall, i dun see anyone behind me.
mum's having trouble now.
and at this pt of time, i couldn't assist her at all.
why did i act harshly without thinking for the ppl around me.
this is selfish.
i have been selfish.
i've always been.
towards ultrex. towards family. towards dear. towards frens around me.
im defensive.
im in the wrong.
why cant i just find the courage to admit it?
i want to break all these away.
leave me for goodness sake.
after battling to defend myself for the pass half a day.
im tired.
im just want to escape.
from reality. from myself.
force me to work like a robot.
force me to earn that pathetic amt.
i dun even look forward to hk right now.
i'm back to the "i dun look forward to waking up anymore" days.
i just want to escape.
with no one this time.
but myself.
with all the support i need,
im left with ??
its just nt fair.
where's that pillar of strength i used to hug when i m down?
Iwanttoescape.
ijustneedatissueandmypillow.
goodnight.
"Of the many contradictions that exist in the world, the contrast between love and hate is perhaps the starkest. It is one that helps us value true love while understanding the ramifications of hatred."
"A life without love is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and richness to life that nothing else can bring."