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"Of the many contradictions that exist in the world, the contrast between love and hate is perhaps the starkest. It is one that helps us value true love while understanding the ramifications of hatred."
desires

"A life without love is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and richness to life that nothing else can bring."
you know how i feel.
Friday, January 29, 2010

Alot of things to blog about.

Ytd was Rachael's birthday, and we planned s surprise bdae party for her..
:) ended up at Jek's place and grilling beef and chix away.
Lucky my dear tagged along, had more fun with him around *hugs*

Recently had very few hours of slp.
Causing lots of heartache for dearrr..
:(
Sorry dear..

its either i slp at 4am or 5am in the mrning and wake up at 9 or 10.
Had to deal with 3 events now and i sompa its not as easy as playing majong...
i like events yes.
but seriously, i need to catch that skill quick, fast and good.
I want to be able to manage my time betwn my family, dear, friends and work.

Soon. in about 5-6 wks time, we will grad from TP, away from poly life.
no more hanging out with polymates that often, no more school canteen, no more camps, no more trainings, no more com lab mass hogging the printers, no more stupid MIC kinda lectures, no more nice nice tutorials (15 mins grace is what i missed)...

and what i will have to adapt is an environment with 24/7 working, 2 cellphones with full battery, 15 mins of walk under the hot sun from Bartley station to new industrial road (eh! can LTA do smth about this?) i have to learn to eat Herbal chicken for the rest of the 14 mths, i have to learn to carry that black colour apple logo rectangular block of thing whereever i go, i have to learn to slp as little as one hour a day. have to learn to be independent without my bf when he goes into Tekong University.
:(

did i regret signing on tht line with my ball point pen?
or did i regret not striking off my name off tht contract?
(these two choices sound the same to me...)

anyway.. whats done cant be undone.
i will have to make the best out of it.
its good also in a sense i am forcing myself to be working out of my comfort zone.
i will be happy.
:) right dear?

Today, 29th Jan was pretty a bad day to start with.
had a cold war with dear in the mrning when he came over to my place to acc me do work.
was quite bad coz i was pretty busy doing my work and at the same time wanted to acc him and not make him feel lonely.
and it begins with my fault la actually..
but i was pretty upset coz i was really way hell busy and i dunno what i can do at the same time to get his attention and understanding.
so i chose to remain quiet... ...
coz i dunno what to say..
he too.. he was mad..
he pretended not to..
i know he is trying his best..
but still..

was pretty pms this mrning, coz nv slpt well at night. plus, i onli had 4hrs of slp..
thats why i was moody and dint wanted to apologise.
haiz.
den cold war all the way til sch!!!!
bth~
at that point, seriously i was extreme mad in the bus, cause i really hate it when people take their mp3 out to listen when i m either with them or walking with them. (daphne tsang and jimmy cheang should know this pretty well.)
so didnt want to talk nor to speak to dear at all..

until a point, after finishing "du qi" with him, i nudged him and ask him talk to me..
HE STILLL RELUCTANT!
:@ wa. burning in flame i tell u.
hahahah.

then dunnno why, in the end, everything turned out okay already.
:S after the lecture, everything turn out for the better and it somehow ended my day with a blast of love.

Actually we r currently having some heart to heart session on msn now.
and im loving it, cause this is when he would realli tell me how he feels.
i like it when we talk in this kinda setting, this kinda moood, when both of us are realli calm.

ytd during the bbq session, when elna was telling us that jek was a gd man..
someone whom would call her back when she slam her phone...

i was thinking..
would that happen to me and dear in like a few more years down the road?
when i slam his phone.. would he call back?
or would he actually ignore me till the next day i call him again.

actually, i know what would it be already.

dear ah, do you know that you are the only one that would not look back whenever you leave me or bid goodbye to me?
i dunno why.
it somehow or rather makes me pretty scared.
u will do things without regret.
will u juz chop off yr memories with me within a day? within a min?

so meaning to say..
if somehow or rather,..
we broke up someday.
would u look back and think of our memories we once had together?
actually..
it would pretty much hurt to know that you do not look back you know?
and this is when i really get afraid.
this is smth always in my head that i've got no ans for.
or rather, i would think to a point whereby i would want to stop thinking.


you're one best man i could find on earth.
i wun want to let u go.
but that is why...
im always afraid.

im no risk taker.
at least.
not in this aspect.



Dear. i wonder what would i do without you by my side for 2 years.
i can imagine u having to visit me on weekends and leaving for camp on sunday night.
:( i dunno man..
with that kinda scenario..

seriously whats wrong with me nowadays.
coward sia! everything also scared.
die le suan le la huh.
live also no use..

LOL!

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