takin responsibility is good.
but not too much.

being strong is good.
but dun act.

Seriously, the environment which i greew up in made me who i am now..
andd.
part of me like the way i am not, part of me dont.

in the past,
i dun do self sacrifice.
i made ppl sacrifice.

now.
i have to sacrifice.
coz im being forced to.

Ytd.
a huge fight in the house.
tears dripped from everyone's eyes.
i held back mine.
everyone was talking loudly to each other.
HE used vulgarities.
HE wanted to use violence on a 15 yer old kid.
HE was shaking in anger.

SHE was crying badly
SHE was letting out all the things she held back for 10 yers
SHE wanted to shield the 15 yer old kid.

the 13 yer old kid saw.
cried.
insecurity.fear in her eyes.

and i was beside the 13 yer old kid.

and what i was doin?
nothing.

after quarrel ended.
i hugged my sis as she cried.
making sure she have my shoulders and she is safe with me.

i tried to make everything go back to normal.
asking them to watch tv, and bath and all.

what was i feeling them?
angry.disapointed.sad.upset.lost.fear.insecurity.

i wanted to cry as much as them.
i wanted to hug summone as much as them.
but i held back for 30 mins.
after which, i know i cant tke it.
i went down to my familiar friend.
my playground.

yeap.
i was writing a letter to HIM.
and as i wrote.
my feelings showed.
i keep telling myself everything would be fine.
but honestly. it wun be. coz someone is avoiding all the probs.

dear called to ensure im fine.
yeap i m.
i really am fine.
sry to make u worry.
sry so fierce to u when u called.
he wanted to come over to whr i am.
i requested him nt to.

but seriously.
i have thousand and one words to tell HIM.
but i didnt.
i wanted to ask him if he ever rmbed those times when he brought me out.
cooked us dinner, making sure we got tings to eat.
fetching us to and fro places w/o complaining.
what caused the drastic change in him?

for the past few yers.
we nv had a proper convo.
not even a sentence of concern frm him.
it seems those fishes and birds are his main priority in this house.
after takin money frm us,
always fail to return.
so he expect us to support him when we are onli like 13?15?19?

o ok.
so BY RIGHT im supposed to la.
and suen bian support his birds and fishes?

i have no idea why tings turn this way.
i feel for my mum.
i know hw she felt when she cried.
even in bed i know she is crying.
she cant cry too much coz she know she wil scare us.
she even comfort us saying its nthg la.
she jus fke fake one.
(cummon la. as if i believe....)

now u see.
the reason to why am i stronger then some others.
why is my character like tht.
its built in me.
i have to.
coz i belive.
i became one of the main pillars for this family.

takin responsibility is good.
but not too much.

being strong is good.
but dun act.

Seriously, the environment which i greew up in made me who i am now..
andd.
part of me like the way i am not, part of me dont.

in the past,
i dun do self sacrifice.
i made ppl sacrifice.

now.
i have to sacrifice.
coz im being forced to.

Ytd.
a huge fight in the house.
tears dripped from everyone's eyes.
i held back mine.
everyone was talking loudly to each other.
HE used vulgarities.
HE wanted to use violence on a 15 yer old kid.
HE was shaking in anger.

SHE was crying badly
SHE was letting out all the things she held back for 10 yers
SHE wanted to shield the 15 yer old kid.

the 13 yer old kid saw.
cried.
insecurity.fear in her eyes.

and i was beside the 13 yer old kid.

and what i was doin?
nothing.

after quarrel ended.
i hugged my sis as she cried.
making sure she have my shoulders and she is safe with me.

i tried to make everything go back to normal.
asking them to watch tv, and bath and all.

what was i feeling them?
angry.disapointed.sad.upset.lost.fear.insecurity.

i wanted to cry as much as them.
i wanted to hug summone as much as them.
but i held back for 30 mins.
after which, i know i cant tke it.
i went down to my familiar friend.
my playground.

yeap.
i was writing a letter to HIM.
and as i wrote.
my feelings showed.
i keep telling myself everything would be fine.
but honestly. it wun be. coz someone is avoiding all the probs.

dear called to ensure im fine.
yeap i m.
i really am fine.
sry to make u worry.
sry so fierce to u when u called.
he wanted to come over to whr i am.
i requested him nt to.

but seriously.
i have thousand and one words to tell HIM.
but i didnt.
i wanted to ask him if he ever rmbed those times when he brought me out.
cooked us dinner, making sure we got tings to eat.
fetching us to and fro places w/o complaining.
what caused the drastic change in him?

for the past few yers.
we nv had a proper convo.
not even a sentence of concern frm him.
it seems those fishes and birds are his main priority in this house.
after takin money frm us,
always fail to return.
so he expect us to support him when we are onli like 13?15?19?

o ok.
so BY RIGHT im supposed to la.
and suen bian support his birds and fishes?

i have no idea why tings turn this way.
i feel for my mum.
i know hw she felt when she cried.
even in bed i know she is crying.
she cant cry too much coz she know she wil scare us.
she even comfort us saying its nthg la.
she jus fke fake one.
(cummon la. as if i believe....)

now u see.
the reason to why am i stronger then some others.
why is my character like tht.
its built in me.
i have to.
coz i belive.
i became one of the main pillars for this family.