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Saturday, September 13, 2008
was talkin to bella and liwen today.
yeah. had fun making fun of them
and best part is bella finally laughed after so mani days.
i laughed.
but i was thinking about my own stuffs the whole nite.
no matter hw busy i keep myself with.
i still couldnt stop thinking.
its not i dun wanna stop.
i wanna stop.
its just it wun allow me to.
my smile is as fake as ever.
i m tired.
tired of keeping myself busy but at the same time stil tinking.
im tired.
i couldnt slp well everyday.
i couldnt do things properly.
*i knocked my head when i m scooping ice cream.*
* hit my pinkie when i opened the fridge*
*keep dropping stuffs*
for Bella.
at least she know that its over.
she stil have a new chance all over again.
for liwen.
at least she know wat she wants.
for me?
i was the adviser.
i was the listener.
but i myself wanna say.
but i dunno how to express everything in words.
its too complicated.
i tried means and way to stop thinking. to avoid.
all of which goes into drain.
i wun give up.
coz i know its impossible to give up.
the first to make me hold on.
and make me think that everyting is worth while.
second to make me feel heartbreak.
im feeling so horrible that no amt of tears can make up to it.
feeling so bad that i m sick of crying.
i dunno why m i so emo.
but.
today.
when everyone's laughing.
im crying deep inside.
but this way is better.
at least.
i know.
thats the best for u.
and.
me.
i know all these are retribution.coz i can see images of past replaying.non stop.rewind-play-rewind-play.god wants me to feel how others used to feel in the past.he wants me to learn to make decision not for myself.but as well as others.he made my life full of ups and dwns.deep inside.im worst than any of u.
"Of the many contradictions that exist in the world, the contrast between love and hate is perhaps the starkest. It is one that helps us value true love while understanding the ramifications of hatred."
"A life without love is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and richness to life that nothing else can bring."